Good things come to those who wait.

I know lately my blog posts have been mostly melancholy and depressing. To be blunt, my life the past two years has completely fucking sucked. In that span of time I was living with a my boyfriend who I had a toxic relationship with, broke up with said boyfriend, moved back home, watched my grandmother slowly waste away and eventually die, lost my home, my car, my way of life, and my sense of security in Hurricane Sandy, had to deal with an unreliable car, move to a place I loathe complete with psycho, racist neighbors...

None of that matters any more. The negativity is gone.

Two weeks ago I turned 24. I mentally have my years "begin" on my birthday rather than January. I've done this since I was a kid and it helps me keep track of events in my life better. It was, I consider, my first "adult" birthday. I got up, I went to work. My co-workers signed a group card for me, we ordered lunch and had cake. I went home. I didn't go out and drink or go dancing or.. anything really. I had a quiet Friday night at home. And I loved it.
I made a promise to myself that night, as I was laying on my bed thinking, that I would stop harboring negative feelings. About everything. I knew that this would take a lot of work but I knew it could be done. It's OK to be angry or annoyed for a short period of time, but don't hold onto grudges. Don't throw people's failures in their faces. Don't flash your benefits and goods in front of less fortunate.

While I'm not outwardly religious (it's no one's business whether or not I believe in Jesus Christ), I do believe in God/higher power and instead of praying and asking for things, I've been thanking him for what little I do have. Because there are others who are truly less fortunate.

My life has completely changed since my birthday.

I feel like I have a new energy that I haven't had in the past two years. I feel calm, even in the most stressful of situations. I'm not pulling my hair out as often or as much as I used to. Some days I don't pull at all. I'm not stress eating anymore. I feel like I'm making progress in my boxing training. I don't find myself criticizing the way I look when I stand in front of a mirror anymore. I just feel at peace.

And finally, after two years of life basically crapping on me nonstop--the good kharma has begun to arrive.

While my family and I are still not back in our home yet, we have a feeling that once the holidays come and go, we'll begin to see progress from NY Rising. Each government official/representative of some sort of agency, insurance company, etc., has looked over our paperwork and our situation and has said while it is frustrating, we are doing the right thing. We are not in a rush to get back--we want to do things the right way. We are not trying to scam the system. Good things come to those who wait. So we are waiting. Sometimes, we are a little tired of waiting, but we are still waiting nonetheless.

Yesterday I bought a brand new car. My first one ever. I still can't believe that I am able to afford it and I still peek out the window every 45 minutes or so to check that it's still real and that the "Windy Sea Blue" 2013 Hyundai Elantra parked outside my house is actually there. When the title arrives in a couple of months it'll be even more real. Cutting that down payment check was the most satisfying feeling in the world. For once, I was paying money for something car-related and I didn't feel upset or dejected. I feel relieved--I traded in my hooptie I've been driving since March that gave me nothing but problems. I traded in. I upgraded. I grew up.

Another satisfying feeling: being able to send Christmas presents to my loved ones.  This is the first year I can do that without worrying about my credit card bill.

I will reflect my new positive thinking in this blog from now on. The days of negativity are behind me now. 24 is already looking to be a much better year than 23 or 22 could ever be.