The past couple of weeks have
been really difficult for me. I don’t know why. I wish I did. I wish I
understood why I will randomly have doubts of depression. I don’t believe I’m
manic depressive nor actually depressed because my symptoms don’t really match
up with those in DSM, and it’s not linked to my menstrual cycle because I keep
track of that too. So I don’t know. I guess maybe it’s just because after
dealing with so much bullshit week in and week out after a while, I just
mentally get to a point where I don’t want to deal with anything else anymore.
And then the slightest little mishap will affect me WAY more than it normally
would.
I am my own worst enemy. I
know this. I’ve known this for a long time. I beat myself up all the time. Over
everything. For example, yesterday I took the CBP Officer exam at the federal
building in Tribeca. It wasn’t that bad and it was pretty straightforward. If
you tried to tell me that the night before though, I probably would have wanted
to stab you and then cry about it. This exam was different than the others I’ve
taken because there was a math section in it. If you know me (which if you’re
reading this blog I imagine you do), you know that mathematics and I have never
gotten along since 3rd grade when he introduced me to his douchebag
friends the “times table” and we’ve been mortal enemies ever since. So the
other night as I’m trying to practice dividing decimals, and figuring out
percents and multiply fractions, my head starts racing about what a complete
idiot I am and how my dad & grandpa were always right about needing math in
your life and how obviously I’m a loser because I don’t understand basic math
that a 6th grader can do. That all of that can possibly keep me from
getting a really great job.
My car has been making a funny noise for the past week. I pick it up today. Supposedly it wasn't a big thing that needed to be repaired so they're not charging me for it. That's pretty much the biggest break I've gotten in a long time.
I think a lot of my negativity and stress can be attributed to still being displaced 10 months+ from Sandy. And the fact that FEMA & NFIP are denying thousands of claims based on soil movement that occured DUE TO FLOOD WATER is such fraud it's unbelievable. I hope all these lawyers and advocates and whoever else that's coming out in support of us are actually able to help and that sometime in 2014 we'll be back in our house.
Honestly, can it just be October yet? October is by far the best month of the year. Fuck summer. Summer is always such crap.
My car has been making a funny noise for the past week. I pick it up today. Supposedly it wasn't a big thing that needed to be repaired so they're not charging me for it. That's pretty much the biggest break I've gotten in a long time.
I think a lot of my negativity and stress can be attributed to still being displaced 10 months+ from Sandy. And the fact that FEMA & NFIP are denying thousands of claims based on soil movement that occured DUE TO FLOOD WATER is such fraud it's unbelievable. I hope all these lawyers and advocates and whoever else that's coming out in support of us are actually able to help and that sometime in 2014 we'll be back in our house.
Honestly, can it just be October yet? October is by far the best month of the year. Fuck summer. Summer is always such crap.
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